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Anytime a boyfriend tilted his phone slightly away from me while checking his texts, my brain would start going, Why is he being so secretive? I dated a guy who I didn’t get along with at all — just because he wanted to date me.2. A guy cheated on me once, and the impact his cheating left on me extended to my next few relationships. Related: How To Sneak In Fitness When You Have No Time3. I have watched probably every romantic comedy in history, and I have followed every “will they or won’t they? Rom-coms have led to me putting up with guys who say they care about me but treat me exactly the opposite, because that’s how men in rom-coms behave for the first two acts of any movie.
Anytime a boyfriend tilted his phone slightly away from me while checking his texts, my brain would start going, Why is he being so secretive? Rom-coms have kept me in relationships where the man doesn’t treat me with respect but will then pull out some big, corny, romantic gesture every few months as an attempt to “do the right thing.” Rom-coms are fantastic, but they’re supposed to be fantasies, not blueprints for how relationships should be.
If the relationship in your head just isn’t matching up with the relationship you’re actually in, you’ve got to do some soul searching to determine if it’s your expectations that are off, or if the relationship is off.
If it’s your relationship, it’s time to either accept it as it is, or move on. Why do we ignore the person in front of us and instead construct a person and a relationship to suit our needs? Why do we conjure up romantic ideals out of real-live human beings and then snuggle on the couch watching Netflix with them?I dated a guy who was openly cheating on me — out of fear of being alone. The person you’re dating is the person you’re dating — not your ex, not “just like all men/women,” and not a representation of an entire gender." data-reactid="51"Related: The Real Reason You Don’t Need A Diet1. I’m not even saying that is a terrible way to think about love, but for me, what it led to was a belief that I need to be always dating someone, regardless of how much I liked him or how he treated me. I dated a guy who treated me terribly — because he was nice to me on the first date. We need to go into relationships with open eyes, giving the other person time to earn our trust, but we also can’t assume the worst of the other person just because we’ve been hurt before.I dated a guy who I didn’t get along with at all — just because he wanted to date me.2. A guy cheated on me once, and the impact his cheating left on me extended to my next few relationships. I dated a guy who was openly cheating on me — out of fear of being alone. The person you’re dating is the person you’re dating — not your ex, not “just like all men/women,” and not a representation of an entire gender. However, I found that it was making me comb through the interactions I had with irritating men, searching for signs that they were actually my soul mates.I don’t ask because I want you to be highly attuned to your lover’s particular qualities (even though that’s a bonus), but rather, because we should all be checking in to make sure we’re dating the actual human we ran into on the street / were introduced to at a party / met online, and not a person we’ve constructed in our minds.To figure this out, here are a few questions for you about your relationship.Related: 5 Things Every Successful Woman Does Now, pay attention, because what I’m not saying is that you should move on if an actual relationship isn’t perfect. Healthy relationships aren’t constant strife, but they aren’t constant rainbows and giggling over brunch, either.Real relationships are full of the good, the bad, and the mundane.We ignore the qualities that don’t fit into what we want to see (be they positive or negative) and only focus on what we want or are expecting to see.This can doom a relationship as well as expectations of dating in general.…Lied about your partner to others to make him or her sound cooler/smarter/better at dating?…Dismissed or ignored the things about your partner that weird you out, rationalizing that “everybody’s got faults!