Tips on dating a smoker

You can waste years of your life going on dates with the wrong people you meet online; having deal breakers saves a lot of time and energy.

Of course, they should be real deal breakers (such as being divorced rather than separated, an incompatible religion, completely different socioeconomic or ethnic backgrounds, etc.) not superficial ones (such as sharp dresser, 5'10" or taller, etc.).

I’ve met amazing women who smoked, and dismissed them, not even considering asking them out. What if one of them was perfect for me in every other way?

What did I possibly pass up because of that one thing I couldn’t get past?

Can you really not imagine that is good enough in every other way so as to override that sticking point? It’s not based on any moral judgment—I just cannot stand the smell, having lived with it for years while I was young, and then being free of it for a long time since.I think that makes sense: It’s not a perfect signal, but we can’t make perfect decisions.Deal-breakers may also protect us from our own bad choices.The other day I had a great Twitter conversation with dating writer Kelly Seal about her fantastic article, “What Are Your Dating Deal-Breakers?” Kelly was writing mainly for women but her points hold for everyone.Deal breakers should only be things that affect your future together, not something superficial as the poster above said (sharp dresser, height etc).For example, the decision whether or not to have children is an important one to consider.People have so many different aspects to them and may have so many wonders to reveal to you that you should be wary of foreclosing that possibility because of one pet peeve. Or if something that person does reminds you of someone who hurt you in the past, again, I would consider that a useful decision-making heuristic or rule of thumb based on self-preservation.For example, maybe someone who hurt you in your past shouted a lot, so you avoid dating people who shout.More serious deal-breakers are often reflections or indications of a person’s character and how they are likely to treat you.If a person is violent or dishonest, those are signs about who that person is, not harmless eccentricities that simply annoy us.

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