Widows in early 50s and dating remarriage
This is a personal choice that each widow must make for herself. I was very up front with them and told them how I felt and what was going on.
I did sweat a little over starting to date after only a couple months. Of course I waited several months to make sure it was more of a serious relationship before I opened up to them.
Both behaviors are tacky and unnecessary in most situations. Not my personal set of beliefs so I don't quite "get" it.) And it doesn't apply to divorce anyway, unless the ex-wife has also died. I realize that it's probably not reasonable to compare dating a widow (a nice normal one like me) with dating a widower, but I think widowed people generally are treasures in the dating world.
Both widowed and divorced men should be able to talk about people in their past without cartoonish characterizations. Okay that is pretty weird, but isn't it a question of theology, like, are you healed when you get to heaven? (I only managed to find one widower when I was dating.
Some widows are comfortable dating as early as a month or two out, others wait years, and some never date again at all. I changed my relationship status on Facebook to “Engaged”.In the end, it took some time and some sexy new bras to get me enjoying it instead of dreading it. This is probably the question every widow will hear some variation of at some point or another.To be honest I have been pretty suspicious of these areas in part because when I was dating, at 40 ... To me, the only relevant person to compare a widower's baggage to was... (I mostly restricted my searches to men who had been parents, because I had a young child and needed someone who'd understand that if I cancelled a date due to flu that he shouldn't take it personally... prejudices which had been confirmed by experience.).I do not doubt that many women DO ask these questions and that people are confronting some difficult situations with this "baggage." But emotionally unavailable men come in many flavors. I married a divorced man and we spend more time dealing with his feelings about his 23-year marriage disintegrating and their divorce than we do with Gavin almost literally disintegrating before my eyes and his death. (Plus we live in their house but dude, I KNOW that's weird, and it was equally my choice.) People "compare" me to Mr.Perhaps some of them were even a little nuts before they were widowed (we are changed by our losses... I also think that widowers with children still at home (most of the widowers I know fall in this category) are a bit more justified in hanging on to "stuff" from their past lives and sharing family (like in-laws) and memories a bit more actively.This is a giant set of exceptions that negates, for me, a lot of Abel's advice.(A LOT lot.) It still seems like an insult to my friends who are widowed men (who are frequently outraged by these blogs) to admit that there is something there... Perhaps men are more frequently bad daters, overall? There is certainly scads and scads of material about dating divorced men...but those men are so prevalent it would be impossible to avoid them. it IS possible to avoid dating widowers, and look at all this advice on WHY. as well as first hand experience as a member of the population in question. I'll admit that those who date widowed people is not a group I have chosen to speak to or for...Abel is far from the only author tackling this subject: in addition to his two books, Dating a Widower and Marrying a Widower, there is Julie Donner Anderson's Past: Perfect! and that knowing how few men under 55 are widowed compared to women (at one time Social Security told me it was 1 man to 7 women) makes me quite skeptical...